Just Whatever It Is Right Now

Padlocks on a bridge in Hamburg

Thinking about this time last year

My neighbours bought an expensive new patio table
But I don’t see them sitting in the garden much these days
I still find myself thinking of you (and You, and yOu and, yes, yoU too)
But mostly the thoughts are different now

I thought I would be already doing stuff
That so far I have yet to achieve

In a mirror-image semi detached, small rooms, green sofa, dog hair, sitting at the edge of the sofa with coffee, playing with my phone
So much of what seems attributable to one person and one place
Is actually everywhere and all over
Different emotions make different places feel different
They can go higher up the ladder and take precedence and rule with greater might

Hiding things, pretending they did not happen is no good
But pretending they only happened a certain way is equally no good
Saying “just let go” is easier said than done
How do you know you actually let go?
When you no longer hold it or when it can no longer be found?
Can it no longer be found only because you hid it?
Do you hold it in your hands or in your head or in your heart?
Or does it have to go away, away, away forever and ever?
A thing that came from your heart gets stuck in your head
A thing that came from your head gets stuck in your heart
Holding your hand put your heart in my head
Or did it put your head in my heart?
I let go but I did not stop holding on

Angles, shapes, shadows

Every year you think “this is it, this is who I am”, not knowing what is to come

How can you be so sure about who you are?

What do you mean when you say you can’t get over it?
How would you know if you had got over it?
Can you be in the process of getting over it?
Why do you have to get over it?
Sometimes you only know you can’t get over it until you can’t get over it
Sometime in the past the circumstances never existed, so the possibility of whatever it was
Was not possible

Knowing who you are is a tricky art

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