There is no Head…

2014 saw me revisit the LP “Tales of Ordinary Madness” by the late 1980’s Bristol band, Head. Head were often in the weekly UK music press in that era, but like so many bands that it was easy to read about, I never actually really listened to them at the time (I was mostly into The Stupids and Big Black in 1988, though I later went out with someone who had some of their records once but I didn’t recall how they went, only her enthusiasm for the band and the fact that one of the members was very handsome and one was listed on the sleeve as “Plastic Bag”). Nevertheless I got a copy of “Tales of Ordinary Madness” from a charity shop sometime in the early noughties.

It’s a strange record, somewhere between the Happy Mondays and INXS. It’s weirdly indie at heart, but with the big-glossy-thousand-pound-snare-sound production that stadium rock bands got back then (and a fair smattering of collaged sounds as well, including the earliest use I’ve heard of Radio First Termer quotes – I’m seriously impressed that someone had a tape of that in the UK back in 1988). I think it’s really great, but I played it once to my friend Mark, one of the most indie people I know (and a former resident of Bristol), and partway through the second track, “Time and Time” he screwed up his face and just said “this is one of the worst bands I’ve ever heard” and made me switch it off. For some reason it never got ripped when I got an MP3 player, so after about 2003 it lay mostly dormant until late last year when I needed something to play in the car on the way to meet my mate Julian for dinner.

After giving it a few spins in the motor I decided it needed to be ripped for listening to at work and on the J-Pod, and it’s been on pretty heavy rotation since.

Information on Head is pretty scarce on th’internet; after Wikipedia there’s this page and an interesting review of their LP “A Snog on the Rocks” here but certainly no lyric information online. It’s for this reason I have studiously tried to write out the words to “Jesus Ain’t Got A Daddy”, the 9th track on the LP and probably the weirdest. It’s important to note that we’re drifting into Urban Dictionary territory now so you shouldn’t read any further if you’re easily offended…

So this is what appears to be sung, although I can’t make out all of the words. The track itself is raucously funky and Rich Beale the singer appears to be joined by a Scottish sounding voice from time-to-time as well (could this be Gareth Sager?), but those words that are decipherable constitute a seriously surreal stream-of-consciousness, combining what sounds like foppish Elizabethan and Wildean literary references (partly addressed to the mysterious “Lady Birdwhistle”), cockney stylings, the strange bluesy title-refrain, quotations from Alvin Stardust, soundbites from televangelist Charles Stanley (he comes up if you search for his quote) and the complete all-out smutty weirdness of whatever “Dark grizzle-pizzle, on thy hairy pie” really means; one of those phrases comes up in Urban Dictionary if you do try to do a Google search for the lyric, but since the other draws a blank I figured I’d put the lyrics up here in case anyone else wants to search for them.

Standard disclaimer – these aren’t mine, they almost certainly aren’t 100% correct, and if they have to come down for any reason just let me know with a comment 🙂

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Jesus Ain’t Got A Daddy

Alright Juan, give it to me!

Note, take note!
Note!
The opulent stains……on my tights!

Tidy.

How can she have had my baby?
I swear I haven’t touched her yet
How can she have had my baby?
I swear I haven’t touched her yet
Come on!

Jesus ain’t got a daddy
Jesus ain’t got a daddy
Jesus ain’t got a daddy
Jesus ain’t got a daddy

(?????)
(???? an ode, not an odour)

An ode to Lady Birdwhistle
An ode that’s à la Mode
Dark grizzle-pizzle
On thy hairy pie
Dark grizzle-pizzle
On thy hairy pie

Oo-Oo, my coo-ca-choo
I really love the things that you do
Oo-Oo, my coo-ca-choo
I really love it
Yes I do

Let me wear thy chamber pot
Firmly on my head
I’ll ride fearless into battle
Underneath your bed

Get down!

Gaddafi duck goes quack-quack-quack!
Gaddafi duck goes quack-quack-quack!
Gaddafi duck goes quack-quack-quack!
Gaddafi-daffy duck goes Quack! Quack! Quack!

Aaarrrgh! (??? see your mother)

Oh lady, the other day, along my merry way
I heard a cheeky cockney chappie say
In layman’s terms, forsooth

“As I was walkin past the ‘ospi’al
I realised everyfing was possible
Ya know they stuck three geezers on the moon?
We’ll be drinkin’ on Uranus pretty soon!

But it don’t matter!
It don’t really matter!
It just doesn’t matter!
At aaaaaaaaaaaaall!”

But!
How can she have had my baby?
I swear I haven’t touched her yet
How can she have had my baby?
I swear I haven’t touched her yet

There is a vicious all-out Satanic attack upon the American home
When two people in the family become absolutely legally equal
There is no head
There is no head

There is no head

(????) beautiful darlings up there, the very Reverend Bertram (???)

(???)…right down your chin
Oh Lady Birdwhistle, let me in
For dark grizzle-pizzle
On thy hairy pie
Dark grizzle-pizzle
On thy hairy pie
Oh!
Dark grizzle-pizzle
On thy hairy pie

Dark grizzle-pizzle…

Just one hour
In your ivory tower
Mmmm
Oh! I’ve gone all pathetic
Lady Birdwhistle
Be sym-pa-thetic

Swoon in my bosom

I want to swoon
In your bosom
I want to swoon
In your bosom
But is there room
In your bosom?

Forsooth
Fare thee well
My pretty musk cat.

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You kind of need to hear it. You can search for “Tales of Ordinary Madness” on eBay of course.

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